More to life than love...

Today in my "Modern British, Irish, and Postcolonial Literature" class, we were discussing Virginia Woolf's "Modern Fiction" essay. We got on the topic of realism vs. modernism and how realism seems to actually falsify reality due to the fact that there is a specific plot with a climax and then a resolution or an ending. Life, in fact, is not like that - we have many ups and downs, and it is hard to look at one point and say, "THAT is when the bad situation started" or "This will be the beginning of the relationship" - life is more like stream of conscious writing in which many things happen and they sometimes connect and sometimes don't.

Now, I believe that, as a Christian, my life does have an overall plot and I have security in a "happy ending," but we talked about how people in general seem to prefer set plots perhaps because they are an escape from meaninglessness or the fact that life isn't always tied together with a neat bow, or we want that story ourselves.

It's interesting to me how "the world" portrays the plot of a woman's life. In the majority of movies about women, the plot of the woman's life circles around a relationship with a man. This dates way back - the only "endings" for novels about women used to be simply marriage or death. So our culture tells us, as women, that the most important thing, the thing to look forward to in life, is getting married. This idea has been so sewn into movies and books and magazines and music, and therefore sewn into girls' hearts (including my own).

I know that the purpose of my life is to serve God, and I desire to do that wholeheartedly. I know that He made relationships and that they are good - I definitely want one, and I want to serve God with that someone - but I hate how easy it becomes to focus on my desire for a relationship: success or happiness seems to stem from whether or not I am progressing in that area of my life. Sometimes, the pendulum swings to the other end of the situation, and it seems like happiness will come when I no longer want a relationship. I feel like both ends are skewed; it can't be the primary focus of my attention (that place belongs to Christ) but it can't be a nonexistent thought (because God created it for good and it is therefore possible to glorify Him with and in a relationship). The balance becomes not making it the main climax of my plot while still praying that it is in there somewhere.

So what would a plot look like where love is involved but not the only point? Just something for you to think about - what do you see the point of your life as?

Ruth, I

(I hope that you girls are still able to read this every once in awhile - I have no way to tell...)

I have been researching the book of Ruth all day, preparing for a Bible study I am going to lead on it tomorrow. We are going to explore what it means to become a woman of God, and one of our examples is Ruth. Ruth is my favorite love story of all times - it beats out Pride and Prejudice and Anne of Green Gables (mainly because this is a true story and it was orchestrated by God... haha). I have learned so much from the life of Ruth, though, and I can't wait till tomorrow when I discuss it and explore it with my group of sophomore girls.

I really recommend studying the book of Ruth. One of the themes is God's hidden hand of providence. Throughout the story, there are so many "coincidences," such as Ruth "just happening" to glean in Boaz's field and Boaz "just happening" to be a kinsman-redeemer... man. God is so good! His plan is so much higher than ours, and things that don't seem to really make sense in our lives can really be God at work!

If you want to study what Ruth has to teach you about becoming a woman of God, read Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. This book has changed so much of me, and I am about to start reading it again just because it always convicts me and brings me to a fuller understanding of God's plan for my life in the present, in singleness, and how I can grow in becoming like Him. Also, Jackie Kendall's follow-up book to Lady in Waiting is called A Man Worth Waiting For, and that's a good one to read concerning what a man of God should look like in your life.

Also, listen to the "Redeeming Ruth" sermon series by Mark Driscoll (of Mars Hill Church in Seattle). Not only is Mark Driscoll funny, but he has some real wisdom on relationships - and he parallels the story of Ruth to the Gospel, so you can learn a lot on so many different levels of life.

I will let you know what character qualities we come up with tomorrow!

The I Am

The following is a small excerpt from the book I have told many of you about that I am working on. I haven't gotten to work on it much this semester, but it is one of my goals over the next few weeks... The title of the book is Dateless on a Friday Night and my heart is that it will be a different perspective on Christian relationships- well, maybe not so much of the relationships aspect, but kind of what I have learned through being single and how God has blessed me for waiting for His timing in this area of my life.

Have you ever heard that one of the names of God is the “I Am”? I learned this in elementary school, and always thought it was kind of weird because it didn’t seem like a complete thought. God is… what? At one point in my life I heard someone say that it meant God was whatever we needed Him to be: our Protector, our Provider, and so on.

One night during my sophomore year of college, I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. It wasn’t working, so I started reciting the passage of the Bible I was trying to memorize at the time – Psalm 139. The words began to hit home with me, and I realized how well God knows me. The first four verses especially stuck out:

“Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.”

One of my personal desires has always been to be intimately known. I want someone to ask me about my childhood years and for stories from high school. I want someone to discover the things that make me tick and the things that make me smile… maybe even if I have different smiles for different things!

If you have seen the movie Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, you will know what I am talking about. When Pete is describing Rosie (his best friend he is in love with) to Tad (the man Rosie is dating), he tells him, “Like do you know she has six smiles? One when something really makes her laugh. One when she's making plans. One when she is laughing out of politeness. One when she is uncomfortable. One when she is making fun of herself. And one when... she's talking about her friends.” Talk about knowing someone completely! I want someone that knows me so deeply that he knows things about me that I don’t even realize about myself.

I have always waited and hoped that this desire would be met by a boy one day. What I didn’t realize is that God knows me like that. He knows every detail of my life. I don’t even have to say something before He knows what I will ask. He wants to be the one to fulfill that desire in me.

This sparked an idea: what if I made up a list of the traits that I was wanting to find in a man, then truly make that my “Perfect Man” list by finding Scripture that backed up these desires. Here is part of that list:

· A desire to know someone intimately: Psalm 139, John 10:14, Matthew 6:8, 32

· A desire to be called beautiful and special: Psalm 45:11, Isaiah 61:3

· A desire for someone to always be there: Isaiah 49:15, Joshua 1:5, Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20

· A desire for someone to listen when I need to talk: Psalm 94:9, Isaiah 65:24

· A desire for someone to protect me, take care of me: Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 91:14, Psalm 32:7, Nahum 1:7

· A desire to be loved – eternally, fully, unconditionally: Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 32:10, Isaiah 54:10, Psalm 136:1, Psalm 147:11, Lamentations 3:22, Hosea 2:14, John 15:13

Someday, maybe I will have a man that fulfills these to some extent (I am not expecting someone to be perfect and completely fulfill every detail), but I always will have Christ. He wants to fill that role in my life. And that’s where I want Him to be. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He has already given me the desires of my heart because He is the desire of my heart.

All You Need is Love

First of all, I am SO SORRY that I have not been able to update lately. I have a lot going on in my life - all good stuff, with school and the Bible study that I lead and the ministry I am involved in - but I haven't had much free time in general, much less time to sit down and write.

I hope that your school year is going well so far! I pray that you have found your identity in Christ, not in the opinions of your classmates, and that you are looking to the Word for truth. You girls can be such a light in your dark schools (public OR private), and I hope that you are living it out for Christ. It's not always easy to make the right decisions concerning friends or parties or movies or boys - I know it's hard, I've been there - but I want you to know that you will be blessed and rewarded for living your life for Christ.

Something I have been really challenged by lately is loving others. I am involved in a ministry called Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru for short), and the past couple of weeks I have been meeting freshmen and other people who haven't been involved and inviting them to come to our weekly meeting (worship and a speaker) and to join Bible studies. I have been praying that God would give me a love for them so that I am wanting them to be involved because I love them and want them to grow closer to God.

John 13:24-25 says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." According to this Scripture, one of the most powerful testimonies that we can give is by our love for other Christians. On the surface, you'd think that would be easy, but there are always people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. Or maybe they don't even respect us and love us, so we don't think it's worth it to try to love them. Matthew 5:46-48, though, says, "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you green only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

It's easy to love people who love us back. But anyone can do that. As a Christian, we are called to love everyone. Love isn't just an emotion or a feeling - it is displayed in actions. 1 John 3:18 exhorts us to "let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." I want other to see Christ in me through the way I love others - whether it is by giving my full attention in a conversation or choosing to spend time with someone whom I don't know very well or even praying for and encouraging someone that I don't get along with.

I challenge you to look at the relationships in your life - how well are you loving others? Are you reflecting Christ's love for us by the way you treat the people around you?

From My Heart

It's almost midnight. I have class tomorrow, and a lot of other things I could do before bed. Yet I am writing a blog post because a) I feel bad that I have been unable to update recently - my life has been CRAZY and b) because God laid you girls on my heart tonight.

I am going to be rather honest in this post, but I feel like what I tell you is more impactful if I tell you how I have messed up. SURPRISE, camp counselors aren't perfect!

There was a boy that I liked for a year. A whole year. And he didn't like me back. But I kept hoping that he would, so I invested a lot of time and emotion into him. I thought that by being the "best friend" our relationship would change into something more. I didn't "guard my heart," and now that I have finally realized that he doesn't like me and it isn't "meant to be," my heart is hurting.

FIRST OF ALL I never really understood what "guarding your heart" means. It's a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, and I am still not positive, but what I have learned from experience is that we, as girls, have to really guard our minds and our emotions. We could just be friends with a guy but we let our minds wander and daydream and think about what it would be like if we dated that boy. If we do it often enough, it is even easier to read into what they are doing or saying to us -- so that we get to a point where, to him, we are still just friends, but in your mind you are already dating. A lot of hurt from failed relationships comes from your own personal daydreams into something that never really happened. It also means being careful with what you talk about with a guy. Many times, they are easier to talk to than girls (because they don't interrupt you and always want to talk about themselves, haha), but that doesn't mean you should tell them all about your struggle with singleness or how you are having a fight with your best friend or whatever. Guys shouldn't be the ones you go to with personal issues or when you just need someone to listen. That, in your mind, gives you an emotional bond to that guy, but guys don't form emotional ties like we do.

Tonight, though, I was at Cru (student ministry I am involved in), and we sang the song "I Will Lift My Eyes." I have this song on iTunes by Bebo Norman, but I normally skip it because I always thought it was overplayed on the radio. When I was singing it, though, the words really hit me. Try to read through them: I know it's easy to skip over lyrics, but these are powerful.

God My God, I cry out
your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
and take my doubt
your kindness is what pulls me up,
your love is all that draws me in


I will lift my eyes
to the maker, of the mountains
I can't climb
I will lift my eyes
to calmer, of the oceans
raging wild
I will lift my eyes
to the healer, of the hurt
I hold inside

I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to you

God my God let mercy sing
her melody over me

God right here all I bring is all of me

Your kindness is what pulls me up,
your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes
to the maker, of the mountains
I can't climb
I will lift my eyes
to calmer, of the oceans
raging wild
I will lift my eyes
to the healer, of the hurt
I hold inside

cause you are
and you were
and you will be forever
The lover I need to save me
Cause you fashioned the earth
and Hold it together
God so hold me now

I will lift my eyes
to the maker, of the mountains
I can't climb
I will lift my eyes
to calmer, of the oceans
raging wild
I will lift my eyes
to the healer, of the hurt
I hold inside

God My God, I cry out
your beloved needs you now

Wow. I love the chorus, especially. He is the Maker of mountains that I can't climb (He is bigger than my problems), He can calm all the storms in my life, and He can heal the hurt I am hiding inside. I am His beloved, and I can call out to him. Psalm 62:8 says to "pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." He wants to hold me and hold my hurt and heal me. He is the love I need in my life, not love from a boy. I hope and pray that that love will come, one day, but it is not what I need to make me happy and it is not what I need to be complete.

I am passionate about my relationship with Christ. It is the most important thing in my life. And when I truly live by that belief, nothing else will matter. I want to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" and trust that God will provide everything else (Matthew 6:33).

I love you girls, and I am praying for you! Know that God is still working on me, so He is continually working on you as well.

Ostriches v. Storks

>I am taking a break from the Proverbs 31 "series" because I have been busy here in Fayetteville. I was looking through past things that I have written, though, and I thought I would share this one with you that I wrote back in high school. It's not necessarily my favorite thing that I have written, but I LOVE this concept, and it sort of goes along with my most recent facebook note "Daddy," which you should read if you haven't yet. Love you girls! I hope that you are encouraged by everything and that your first week of school goes well!<

Job 39:13-17

“The ostrich flaps her wings grandly,

but they are no match for the feathers of the stork.

She lays her eggs on top of the earth,

letting them be warmed in the dust.

She doesn’t worry that a foot might crush them

or a wild animal might destroy them.

She is harsh toward her young,

as if they were not her own.

She doesn’t care if they die.

For God has deprived her of wisdom.

He has given her no understanding."

 

According to Mr. Ken (my pastor), this passage should change your life. A little confused? I was too - until he explained.

 

If you research ostriches and storks, you see a considerable difference in their care for their eggs. An ostrich does not worry about her eggs or take care of them; she burys her head in the sand and that's that. Storks, on the other hand, are the ultimate caring birds. They protect their young and it is said that they would rather be consumed in a fire with their eggs than leave them there without protection. The Hebrew word for stork was "hessid" - the same word used to describe loyal love. Another example of "hessid" is found in Psalm 136, which repeatedly states in every verse "His love endures forever." That love - hessid - is the love God has for us. He does not put us on this earth then stick His head in the sand and let us fend for ourselves. He is like a stork, caring for us no matter what is going on.

 

Isaiah 43: 2-4

"I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;

I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.

Others were given in exchange for you.

I traded their lives for yours

because you are precious to me.

You are honored, and I love you."

 

You hear that? God loves you. That should change the way you view yourself, the perspective you choose to live by.

Now you can say that a stork changed your life. 

Proverbs 31:13-15

NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION

13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

 

TRANSLATION FOR HIGH SCHOOL (summary)

She has a good work ethic, and does not do “just enough to get by”; rather, she is prepared for the day.

 

Okay, so this portion of Proverbs 31 seems a little harder to transpose into high school/teenage girl situations because it is talking a lot about running a household and caring for a family, but the main idea I see in these three verses is her work ethic.

The Proverbs 31 woman is “eager” to work. This may sound a little silly or daunting, considering we are rarely eager to do chores or our homework. But it’s something to definitely check yourself on. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…” 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 says, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” With these two verses in mind, it puts our attitude towards work into perspective. Whether you have an after-school job, training for an athletic team, or simply homework and chores, you are accountable to God for those things. You have three options with your work: (a) don’t do it, (b) do enough so that it is finished, and (c) do your best even though it might take more time and/or effort. The first option is one you probably should never follow… I’m just saying. Option b is the option we (including myself) most often take. We want to get the task done as quickly and as easily as possible. The only problem with that is we set a habit for the rest of our lives. As Steven Sexton often says, “think it all the way through.” You are in high school and in class you do just enough to pass the class so you can get to college or at your job you just simply do your job without any energy behind it or on your team you do the running or the work outs just enough to meet the right time. Then you get to college and, in college, your parents aren’t there to remind you that you need to study for that test, so you wait till the night before and barely pass your class. By the time you are in “the real world,” you are not used to having to pay bills, and by slacking off at work you are constantly reprimanded by your boss. Your family has attention from you, but you are somewhat distant and not the parent that you always wanted to be because it takes “too much effort” on your part. I am not saying that you can’t build the correct habits when you are an adult, but it is so much easier if you build them now in the little things.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the talents. Now, I know that talents refer to money, but I think it somewhat ironic that talents in our culture means things that you are gifted with or able to do. Anyway, Jesus told the men who invested their money that, because they had been faithful with a little, would be ruler over much. If you are faithful with the tasks and the commitments in your life right now, as little as scanning groceries or doing math problems may seem, you will be continually given more to be in charge of – a higher paying job, college classes, one day a family – and you will succeed at them. I didn’t get to be a senior counselor by waking up one day and deciding it was something I wanted to do. I became a senior counselor because not only was I a JC (and hence did the “dirty work” of camp), but I also consistently took the “narrow path” in high school, despite what my friends were doing. I valued my walk with God above the “fun” of this world and the friends who seemed to have everything you would want and the guys who everyone wanted to date. I was grown through the process, and now God has given me influence and blessings beyond what I imagined – and I am learning to be faithful with them, as well.

Don’t view chores and monotonous duties as worthless; learn to see things in the grand scheme of life and realize that they are preparing you for what is to come. Everything at this stage in life is preparation for the next; how faithful are you with the arena you are in right now?

Proverbs 31:10-12

NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

 

TRANSLATION FOR HIGH SCHOOL:

10 A teenage girl seeking to be a woman of character is hard to find, but her worth is beyond the silly Coach purses that people buy. ¹

11 Her friends and her family can trust her and rely on her throughout drama and hard times.

12 She is “for” them and supports them, even when others do not.

 

 

Okay, so as a girl in high school, you are not at a point in your life where you are wanting to get married right now – but this time is crucial as you are growing and in the beginning stages of figuring out who you are. Therefore, it is important to be living in a way that will set a firm foundation for the rest of your life. I think that you will be setting patterns for how you treat others right now that will continue as you get older. I know that, as I graduated high school and spent the summer at camp, I realized how I had been wrong in the way I treated others and the perspective that I had, so I had to correct it then. I don’t regret things in my life because I would rather learn from them than live in wishing things had been different, but I do think that if I went back and redid high school and some of my friendships I would be a completely different person, and I do wish people could see the changes in me.

That being said, I want to try to go through Proverbs 31 and help you apply it to your life as you are now. This is talking about being a wife of noble character, but I think a wife of noble character is going to be a woman of noble character, and the way she treats her husband and her family is how you can learn to treat your friends, your family, and any relationship in general that you have (romantic or not).

It is really rare to find teens who are wholeheartedly pursuing God. It’s easier to see in college because the Christians in college made a choice once they got out of their parents’ house that they wanted to go to church and continue to grow in their faith. In high school, it’s not that people don’t want to follow God, but I think a lot of times people just take their faith and their church for granted. It’s just a part of the routine. But once you step outside of that and really make your faith your own, not just what your parents and your pastor feed you, there is so much joy that comes from having an “all-consuming passion inside of [you].” ²

With your friends, you need to be someone that is not constantly taking. I realize how much this is engrained in my mind when I think about what my friends do for me, how they make me feel, if they buy me a birthday gift, if they ask me to hang out, etc. But we are not called to live self-centered lives. We are called to live a life that supports the needs of others and their good. ³ So, as you look at your friends, you do need friends that support you and build you up, but you need to be doing the same for them. Do you encourage them when they are going through something hard? Do you initiate hang out time? Do you love them even on their bad days? Same with your family. Can you support them and love them despite your differences? If you live with anyone long enough, you are going to have disagreements. I have seen it with my friends in college who live with the same roommate two years in a row – things start to bother them. If you can’t get along with your sister or your parents because you are sharing a space, how are you going to have roommates in college or a husband? No one is perfect, you have to make allowances for others’ faults, and this gets easier to do when you realize that you yourself are not perfect.

Also, are you consistent with your relationships, or are you the type of person that is friends with someone one week and the next week is talking behind her back or doing something she can’t stand? Can people have full confidence in you, trusting that you are loyal and you stick to what you say?

I challenge you to, as we are going through Proverbs 31, to look at your relationships in your life. Examine them, examine your mindset and why you are friends with certain people or maybe what causes fights with your siblings or parents. It’s really hard to change from the self-centered mentality since our culture is all about what you can get from life, but once you start giving and thinking of others, you get addicted to it!

 

¹ Pardon my silliness. Maybe it’s not Coach purses that high school girls are obsessed with, but it is one of the things I remember from high school that people always wanted. Why would you spend that much money on something? I think they went too far when they started making footwear… rain boots, in particular.

² From my drama song “The Motions” by Matthew West… if you didn’t hear it, it’s a great song

³ Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:2, Philippians 2:3-8 stick out in my mind

 

 

Becoming More Than Rubies

Hey girls! So, I am really excited about this blog. As most of you probably know, writing is my passion. It's a gift that God has given me, and I am excited to use it to encourage you during the year. Feel free to share this with your friends, especially if something I say hits you where you are at. I am praying that this blog does just that: that it convicts you where you are or affirms that you are in God's plan or maybe that God just speaks to you through me. The wisdom that I have comes from my experiences, and I would love to be able to share it with you so that you can save yourself some heartache or some frustration. 

Okay, the name of this blog - "Becoming More Than Rubies" - is an obvious reference to Proverbs 31:10 which states that a wife of noble character "is worth far more than rubies." I decided to look up rubies and see what made them so special... so of course I turned to Wikipedia. (Duh-where else do you turn when you need information quickly?) Rubies are one of the four main "precious" stones (the others are diamonds, emeralds which I love because they are green, and sapphire) and they are one of the hardest minerals: 9.0 on a 10.0 scale. The thing that really stuck out to me, though, when reading about rubies is that the real ones, not the imitation ones, have imperfections in them. They are usually heated before cutting, but even untreated ones are still valuable, blemish and all.

In the same way, each of us has blemishes. We are not perfect. But we are still worth so much in God's eyes! We are beautiful despite our imperfections, and you have to know that about yourself. When you decide to live differently than the world, you have to know that they aren't going to want what you have if they see you dealing with the same things they do: insecurity, fear, etc. Not that it's wrong to deal with those things, but as Christians we should be giving those to God and letting Him work in those in our lives.

Anyway, that was just a little random tangent. I will try to update this at least once a week, but once the semester is in full swing I can't guarantee it. Feel free to comment, let me know your thoughts or questions. If you have anything encouraging to add for the other girls that are reading this, please write that as well. Don't ever think you are alone or isolated in what you are going through - Satan likes to do that in order to keep you from gaining wisdom from others, and it really does put a burden on you when you think you are carrying something all alone. Ecclesiastes says that there is nothing new under the sun, and that includes whatever you are struggling with! 

I love you girls, and I know that God has a plan for each and every one of your lives. I am excited to hear how it unfolds and what He teaches you through what He is teaching me!